Well, I have been back home for a few weeks now, and that has given me some time to think about my month long stay in Backwater Hell. There were many let-downs: mainly, nothing really ever changes...sadly. My father is still dependent upon my mother, my mother still tolerates my father's crap, my sister is still struggling to claim the number one spot for worst mother of the year, my older brother is still a racist, sexist, homophobe, my younger brother is still struggling with life in general, and my other sister is still the family recluse. But there were surprises as well: my parents genuinely like me as a person, I enjoyed hanging with my sister (the worst mother one) and she even taught me how to knit, my family uses me as a sounding board for their thoughts, fears, ideas, and hopes, and a go-between to relay difficult topics to others in the family.
But, despite all the positives, I still feel as if I don't quite fit. I don't live the life they live, we share very few commonalities in that respect. I have tried to find common likes to at least feel some connection with my family, but eventually our differences make it impossible. Sadly, there are only two of my family members that I feel any real need to communicate with, my mother and my younger brother, and if it weren't for them I doubt I would have any of them in my life. Its very difficult to associate with people that find fault in my accomplishments, and my mom and little brother are the only ones that seem proud of me. So, why should I put in the effort?
But the most frustrating part of my entire visit...I buried a time capsule on May 24, 1996, to be extracted from the earth on May 24, 2006. Needless to say, when the appointed date arrived I was in Scotland. And it has stayed in the earth, untouched. So, I had hopes of retrieving it during my long stay, so one day I grab a shovel and head to the appointed spot...two trees standing apart for the rest of the woods...but, the trees are gone! A few years ago my father sold some timber from his property, it never occurred to me that they would take my trees! So I had no frame of reference to start digging. Alas, there is hope yet still. The time capsule was buried in a tin or aluminum container, so my hope is that it will be found with a metal detector. *sigh*
About Me
- Jennifer Paulk-McGinley
- On a continuous journey to alter my state of being.
3 comments:
We are just going to have to accept that we are part of Generation Independent. I think it is a combination of rebeling hard against the family unit/communal living/nuclear family of the '60s/'70s/'80s and a drastic increase in the corporate presence in our lives selling to us our freedom.
The great thing is though, It doesn't matter since I know I've got my gang..uh posse, I mean friends. I am much closer to you all than I am with my family. And you know, that's alright with me.
Don't worry too much about the time capsule. It will provide valuable archeological insight when our simian overlords ascend to power.
Don't worry, I can make you feel better. I was born between generations, I think, in some kind of time warp. I don't fit anywhere. So there. Feel better? :)
So what you are saying is we create a sort of *new family* for ourselves because we feel no connection to our true family? Hmmm...I like that. I like that I don't have to like my family. Cool.
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